best lines ever?

We all know some of the classic put downs either on screen or in real life
how about sharing some of these gems and expanding all our already sarcastic wit and arming us for the impending "party" season!
he's one of my faves from the princess bride when wesley delivers the greatest ever rear naked choke ever put on celluloid to the legendary andre the giant
"sleep well and dream of large women"
Next time i drop that move that quips following!
mick x

one of my fave's is from 'smoky' on the film friday, with ice cube and chris tucker.

'you got knocked the f$*£ out!'

heres a clip for the uninitiated

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=UzfY-aXGcBY&feature=related

Ladies and gentlemen i give you the best: MR Groucho Marks...

How do you feel about women's rights ? I like either side of them.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it and then misapplying the wrong remedies.

Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.

Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet!

Mrs. Teasdale: He's had a change of heart.
[Groucho]: A lot of good that'll do him. He's still got the same face.

I sent the club a wire stating, Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member.

Send two dozen roses to Room 424 and put 'Emily, I love you' on the back of the bill.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

A man is as young as the woman he feels.

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions-the curtain was up.

Now there's a man with an open mind - you can feel the breeze from here!

There's one way to find out if a man is honest-ask him. If he says 'yes,' you know he is a crook.

To Margret Dumont: "I can see you and I married. I can see you bending over the stove. I can't see the stove!

Dig trenches? With our men being killed off like flies? There isn't time to dig trenches. We'll have to buy them ready made.

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.

Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.

I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.

Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing..if you can fake that, you've got it made.

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.

I worked myself up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.

Remember men you are fighting for the ladies honor, which is probably more than she ever did.

Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.

Last night I shot an elephant in my Pajamas and how he got in my pajamas I'll never know.

We took pictures of the native girls, but they weren't developed. . . But we're going back next week.

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does.

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.

An interview with General Cosgrove

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: So, General Cosgrove, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?

GENERAL COSGROVE: We’re going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery and shooting.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Shooting! That’s a bit irresponsible, isn’t it?

GENERAL COSGROVE: I don’t see why, they’ll be properly supervised on the rifle range.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Don’t you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?

GENERAL COSGROVE: I don’t see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm. FEMALE INTERVIEWER: But you’re equipping them to become violent killers.

GENERAL COSGROVE: Well, Ma’am, you’re equipped to be a prostitute, but you’re not one, are you?



Craig

or

‘I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.’

‘If I throw a stick, will you leave?

one from phil jupitus about being called fat. his reply:

I`m only fat because every time I sleep with your mum she gives me a biscuit

two people arguing ended in these two lines

You are a b**&&%$!
Correct. Are you claiming parenthood?

a young man attempts to chat up a classy looking bird on the dance floor, "I don't dance with kids" she said, looking haughtily down her nose

"Sorry love, didn't know you were pregnant" he replies

Girl: "I wouldn't go out with you if you were the last man on earth"

Chap: "If I was the last man on earth you wouldn't be anywhere near the front of the queue"

one of my favourites
I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent

one of the best i saw at a comedy club, was a guy heckling the comedian

Heckler - "Oi Wa*ker!"
Response - "If only your father was"

I could not stop laughing.

anyway more later I assume

Come on people get posting.

Craig

If your father a weight lifter, he fcuking must have been to raise a dumb bell like you...good old chubby...

Chybby brown to heckler.." listen mate you aint that important i you where the fcuking crwod would br facing you!!"

"nothings impossible"

"really? ever tried forcing a turd back up your arse with a spatula?"

-ian cognito.

(thanks Bob )

Woman diner: This Carbonara is not exactly melt in the mouth.
Waiter: Its pasta not minstrels.