52 Things you would love to say out loud at work!

1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of s ** t.

2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

3. How about never? Is never good for you?

4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.

6. Who lit the fuse on your lone brain cell?

7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.

8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.

10. Ahhhh. I see the f ***- up fairy has visited us again.

11. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.

12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

13. I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don't give a sh*t.

14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

17 The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

18. Any resemblance between your reality and mine are purely coincidental.

19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks?!

20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial

23. And your cry-baby whiny-a s sed opinion would be?

24. Do I look like a people person to you?

25. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

26. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.

27 Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?

29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

30. Whatever kind of look you were aiming for, you missed.

31. Oh I get it. Like humor, but different.........

32. An office is just a mental institute without the padded walls.

33. Can I swap this job for what's behind door .........1?

34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

35. Nice perfume (or aftershave). Must you marinate in it?

36. Chaos, panic, and disorder. My work here is done.

37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?

38. I thought I wanted a career; it turns out I just needed the money

39. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being more intelligent.

40. Wait a minute - I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

41. Aren't you a black hole of need.

42. I'd like to help you out, which way did you come in?

43. Did you eat an extra bowl of stupid this morning?

44. Why don't you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma.

45. If you have something to say raise your hand.........then place it over your mouth.

46. I'm too busy, can I ignore you some other time?

47. Don't let your mind wander, its too small to be let out on its own.

48. Have a nice day, somewhere else.

49. You're not yourself today, I noticed the improvement straight away.

50. You are as pretty as a picture; I'd really like to hang you.

51. Don't believe everything you think.

52. Do you hear that? That's the sound of no-one caring.

LOL nice one .
Here's another
53 . If I wanted your opinion I'd beat it out of you

one my friend used in work

54

" I see the organ grinder has buggered off back to where he came from and left me with the F*****G monkeys "

I could not stop laughing.

55. "Between 8 and 5.30 i'm never wrong".....i use it most days x

Brilliant guys! I may borrow some of these this weekend

Stevie G.....looking at the time of your post maybe you should try"can i finish the shift early?" hahaha x

How about, "This guy is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot".

how about "your father really should have stopped at the massage..."

what about "It's a case of mind over matter....I don't mind and you don't matter!"

I will do what you say,cos your my boss, but i still think your a complete t**sser and couldnt organise a p**s up in a brewery!!!!!

lol

i had to cut and paste that bad boy. wish i could remember some of them.

"Computer says no..."

"with all due respect chief....... your a cock"

Who lit the fuse to your tampon?

hahahahaha that's a good one steve. If my mrs is in a foul mood when she gets in tonight i'm gonna pull that one straight out!! nice one.

How about "I thought bottom-feeders were a category of fish?"

What about - Save your breath...You'll need it to blow up your date.

Or..... You should learn from your parents mistakes - try using some birth control.

Want me to stick a broom up my ass and I can sweep the floor too?

don't be a cock all your life have a holiday

You are a total idiot, and i wouldnt p**s on you if you were on fire!!!!!!!

So it's my fault that you cannot do your job? Sorry about that.....no truly...... I am sorry!
You still will get paid though, right?

This is one of my faves to most of my guys,when they start playing up, and then i ask them to do one of the more specialized aspects of plastering
which of course they know how to do!
And yes i am very sarcastic!
Mick x

Yes you are right Mick!!!! you are very sarcastic!!!!! and no i wouldnt p**s on you if you were on fire!!!!!!! I guess that makes me as sarcastic as you!!!!!!! only joking,

Abnett wrote:. If my mrs is in a foul mood when she gets in tonight i'm gonna pull that one straight out!! nice one.

now thats reality based training......brave man.