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In Geoff Thompson's book "Dead or Alive" he addresses the aftermath topic of the black dog. Up until that point I only associated the black dog with the fascinating myth of the spectral hell hounds, viewed on as omens of death in a lot of UK and Irish folklore. However, Geoff took his black dog metaphor from Winston Churchill in reference to the psychological trauma someone feels after an event, where they feel they did not deal with the situation in a "manly" fashion. I say "manly", but women also experience this type of aftermath too. I believe it is a heightened version on the old "wish I said that when he called me that" situation. The irony is that in most cases your "failure to act" is often the right thing to do. In a self-defence context you fight only when you know things are going to get physical anyway or you feel it is your duty (personal decision).
Nevertheless, at the time this is a small consolation. There appears to be a deep genetic desire to have acted when someone has threatened you or coaxed you to fight them. "Turning the other cheek" might make you the "better person", but there is a good reason why this is case - because it is difficult! It is difficult because you may question yourself, was it cowardice or was I truly "letting him off". When someone has been abusive, you feel that they should not get away with it. Perhaps you imagine making them say sorry. Worse still, if the whole incident happens in front of your friends, members of your family, loved ones or people who respect you, the feeling really eats into your ego. So, how do we deal with this? I think we need to understand what is really going on below the surface if we are to really send this black dog running off with his tail between his legs.
Like many animals we are naturally tribal and we have a type of hierarchy. Using the phrasing of Sgt. Rory Miller here, the top monkey position is claimed by the biggest, strongest and toughest monkey. He leads the group and gets to do all (or at least most) of the mating. That means his genes get passed on and his line prospers. Other monkeys are challenged or challenge to get this position, they need to in order to mate. If they are defeated they get passed down the line and are less likely to pass on their genes. Such feelings apparently remain in us during modern times. We live in an era where brains have routinely beat brawn and our intelligence has created a self-awareness that has helped create laws, rules and morals that have pushed us further and further away from the primitive times, where "only the [physically] strong" will survive. Most of us want a society where the weak are protected and the strong protect. We have created rights that reflect this ideal. Nevertheless, the monkey mind mentality persists and when situations come under stress our "forgotten" animal side rears its ugly head in many forms.
The trouble is that times really have changed since we were all just hunter-gatherers with clearly defined tribes and strict hierarchies, so these "natural" impulses have a problem fitting in with the more complex circumstances of today. For example, we would fight another tribe member differently than we would a member from a rival tribe or an animal we were trying to eat or defend ourselves against. We would fight our own tribe member unarmed in some form of grappling contest for mating rights. We see this across many different species of animals, as it is a method whereby dominance can be achieved without necessarily killing your opponent - this is not to say opponents don't get seriously injured or killed, just that this isn't the intention of the "top monkey" fight. Fighting another species of animal is an entirely different mentality. This is the predator/prey mindset. Fighting a different tribe is a combination of the two.
Today we face a situation that could turn violent in a very different manner. We identify the person as a member of our own species, so we do not adopt the predator/prey mindset. Tribes are clearly defined in a time where television, globalization and the internet have helped alienate ourselves from each other. Therefore we adopt the "top monkey" mentality. This also, I hasten to add, comes out in a lot of martial arts training. This creates several problems. In ourselves, we are not used to fighting for our life on a daily basis - unless we work a seriously dangerous nightclub or serve in the military in occupied territory - and we are conscious of the laws and morals of our society. All these things create inner conflicts. First of all we are not used the adrenaline dump that is charging our body ready to act as our ancestors would have done and secondly the logical/moral front part of our brain is weighing up all the consequences of our actions. Acting with this type of mental dilemma can be terrible for you. As John "Awesome" Anderson told me during my interview with him back in 2005, "if you are going to hit them, hit them hard without regret, don't half-hit them" - or words to that effect. However, the bigger picture is that you are often going into a situation you instinctively feel is a "top monkey" type fight when, in reality, it is a rival tribe or, as is often the case, a predator/prey situation.
As the black dog comes barking at you with taunts like "You should have shown that tw*t who was boss" and "people will think you that you are coward for not fighting", think about what the benefits of walking away have done. No police knocking on your door, no comebacks from a gang of your aggressors mates and you are not seriously injured or dead. Yes, this last one has to be considered. When you act violently against someone you do so with the full acceptance that your "opponent" will probably be carrying a weapon. That is if statistics are anything to go on. Furthermore that today's enemy has few qualms about having his mates join in and it is likely to be actively encouraged. Why do you think we have younger and younger people posturing? Why does that skinny looking reed of a bloke with a disproportionately sized gob think he can "have you" in a fight? Being unarmed or alone in today's street fights carries far less credence than it once did. You are looked on as stupid more than courageous and, the wrong circles, those who gave you beating are celebrated for taking advantage.
How do we really handle this black dog? I think a good strategy worth adopting is developing a type of internal compass. I admit to borrowing this metaphor from Dr. Stephen R. Covey's "Principle Centred Leadership". Because in reality there is no time to make any real decisions you need to have systems in place that prompt when to act. Geoff Thompson's fence concept is a great example of this. Quite simply if someone attempts to cross into your personal space with violent intentions you act physically. However, there are situations whereby your decision to act may fall outside the fence whereby you decide to engage someone. For example, you decide to aid your next door neighbour. You decide where your compass points at all times in all situations and stick to those principles. With the compass in place you don't need to think up excuses and you have no time for the black dog. I am not saying it is easy. It is very hard, but it's a start.
Another good way to deal with the aftermath effects of the black dog is to discuss them. Anyone here care to share?
Nevertheless, at the time this is a small consolation. There appears to be a deep genetic desire to have acted when someone has threatened you or coaxed you to fight them. "Turning the other cheek" might make you the "better person", but there is a good reason why this is case - because it is difficult! It is difficult because you may question yourself, was it cowardice or was I truly "letting him off". When someone has been abusive, you feel that they should not get away with it. Perhaps you imagine making them say sorry. Worse still, if the whole incident happens in front of your friends, members of your family, loved ones or people who respect you, the feeling really eats into your ego. So, how do we deal with this? I think we need to understand what is really going on below the surface if we are to really send this black dog running off with his tail between his legs.
Like many animals we are naturally tribal and we have a type of hierarchy. Using the phrasing of Sgt. Rory Miller here, the top monkey position is claimed by the biggest, strongest and toughest monkey. He leads the group and gets to do all (or at least most) of the mating. That means his genes get passed on and his line prospers. Other monkeys are challenged or challenge to get this position, they need to in order to mate. If they are defeated they get passed down the line and are less likely to pass on their genes. Such feelings apparently remain in us during modern times. We live in an era where brains have routinely beat brawn and our intelligence has created a self-awareness that has helped create laws, rules and morals that have pushed us further and further away from the primitive times, where "only the [physically] strong" will survive. Most of us want a society where the weak are protected and the strong protect. We have created rights that reflect this ideal. Nevertheless, the monkey mind mentality persists and when situations come under stress our "forgotten" animal side rears its ugly head in many forms.
The trouble is that times really have changed since we were all just hunter-gatherers with clearly defined tribes and strict hierarchies, so these "natural" impulses have a problem fitting in with the more complex circumstances of today. For example, we would fight another tribe member differently than we would a member from a rival tribe or an animal we were trying to eat or defend ourselves against. We would fight our own tribe member unarmed in some form of grappling contest for mating rights. We see this across many different species of animals, as it is a method whereby dominance can be achieved without necessarily killing your opponent - this is not to say opponents don't get seriously injured or killed, just that this isn't the intention of the "top monkey" fight. Fighting another species of animal is an entirely different mentality. This is the predator/prey mindset. Fighting a different tribe is a combination of the two.
Today we face a situation that could turn violent in a very different manner. We identify the person as a member of our own species, so we do not adopt the predator/prey mindset. Tribes are clearly defined in a time where television, globalization and the internet have helped alienate ourselves from each other. Therefore we adopt the "top monkey" mentality. This also, I hasten to add, comes out in a lot of martial arts training. This creates several problems. In ourselves, we are not used to fighting for our life on a daily basis - unless we work a seriously dangerous nightclub or serve in the military in occupied territory - and we are conscious of the laws and morals of our society. All these things create inner conflicts. First of all we are not used the adrenaline dump that is charging our body ready to act as our ancestors would have done and secondly the logical/moral front part of our brain is weighing up all the consequences of our actions. Acting with this type of mental dilemma can be terrible for you. As John "Awesome" Anderson told me during my interview with him back in 2005, "if you are going to hit them, hit them hard without regret, don't half-hit them" - or words to that effect. However, the bigger picture is that you are often going into a situation you instinctively feel is a "top monkey" type fight when, in reality, it is a rival tribe or, as is often the case, a predator/prey situation.
As the black dog comes barking at you with taunts like "You should have shown that tw*t who was boss" and "people will think you that you are coward for not fighting", think about what the benefits of walking away have done. No police knocking on your door, no comebacks from a gang of your aggressors mates and you are not seriously injured or dead. Yes, this last one has to be considered. When you act violently against someone you do so with the full acceptance that your "opponent" will probably be carrying a weapon. That is if statistics are anything to go on. Furthermore that today's enemy has few qualms about having his mates join in and it is likely to be actively encouraged. Why do you think we have younger and younger people posturing? Why does that skinny looking reed of a bloke with a disproportionately sized gob think he can "have you" in a fight? Being unarmed or alone in today's street fights carries far less credence than it once did. You are looked on as stupid more than courageous and, the wrong circles, those who gave you beating are celebrated for taking advantage.
How do we really handle this black dog? I think a good strategy worth adopting is developing a type of internal compass. I admit to borrowing this metaphor from Dr. Stephen R. Covey's "Principle Centred Leadership". Because in reality there is no time to make any real decisions you need to have systems in place that prompt when to act. Geoff Thompson's fence concept is a great example of this. Quite simply if someone attempts to cross into your personal space with violent intentions you act physically. However, there are situations whereby your decision to act may fall outside the fence whereby you decide to engage someone. For example, you decide to aid your next door neighbour. You decide where your compass points at all times in all situations and stick to those principles. With the compass in place you don't need to think up excuses and you have no time for the black dog. I am not saying it is easy. It is very hard, but it's a start.
Another good way to deal with the aftermath effects of the black dog is to discuss them. Anyone here care to share?
